Elbows

My elbows ached. The job of constantly pushing and pulling is a big task for such a little joint, and I rarely give them a break.

I suppose that’s why I pulled him into me so firmly when my elbows begged me to stop. Or perhaps it was my body sending this message of stop to my elbows.

What are you doing elbows don’t you feel us telling you it's time to stop pulling, said my body. Let’s do some pushing instead.

That connection between elbow and body is not always there for me. Like a chicken who can’t find its head, my elbows know that reconnecting themselves to my body is vital for our survival. But the task of reconnecting is easier said than done.

I guess that’s why I continued to lay by him in our queen-sized bed that night. My elbows contracted with fear as my body vibrated with wild confusion. It was 2 am and I had woken myself up.

It sounds more likely that it was his heavy mouth breathing or his cold foot having made its way to my side of the bed that woke me but I think it was my body.

My body was in panic and all its parts were begging me to flee. It shouted to my elbows, push us away from this bed and let’s go into the night.

Elbows, you know where the keys are, my body said. I will take us to them if you get our hands close enough to grab them and then let’s get out of here.

I intercepted the messages between my elbows and body. Because their correspondence was lost they were left to flop without unison like that headless chicken.

What’s the big deal, I asked them. you make it sound like we’re laying next to a sleeping tiger. This is a moment of irritation and I'm sure it will pass, I told them.

Together, my elbows, body, and I laid in that bed and stared at the ceiling for the next two hours. Eventually, we fell asleep. Moderating an emotional war within myself does take a lot of energy.

He woke up next to me that morning and I pulled him in with my elbows. My body did not find his morning breath or the smell that lingered on him from a hot sleep endearing, but my elbows pulled him in any way.

My body was quiet this time.

You know, when a chicken has been separated from its head long enough, it will eventually die.