An Outside Slump
I wouldn't say I’m back in a slump but I do feel it lightly scratching at my door, letting me know it's there and that it's ready to reenter upon my invitation.
I like to leave my slump outside but certain activities crack the door and call it into the house. Netflix marathons and greasy food beckon it and moments of short temper are too much for it to resist.
Once my slump gets in the house it's very hard to get rid of it. It can lurk under beds and around corners just long enough that I forget it's there until I see its muddy footprints over the scenes of my life.
Sometimes I am faster than the slump and can grab it by the scruff of the neck and toss it out the door. But sometimes, it wriggles free from my grasp and hides in a place too inconvenient to reach.
Sometimes I try to coexist with the slump. Even though it chews through my happiness like the toes of cotton socks, I fool myself into thinking that it's not that bad having it around. Perhaps I could just buy new socks? I do get tired of chasing the slump and some of its qualities aren’t that bad.
My neighbors have a beautiful cat that is white with one black ear. When I visit, she invites me close to her food bowl with gentle meows. I think she wants me to pet her so I reach to do so and then she hisses and snaps at my hand. She and I do this every time I am there, but I keep reaching for her, and she keeps trying to bite my fingers.
My slump is like that cat. It looks inviting and is a great excuse to lounge but when I allow myself to get too close it sinks its teeth into me with no intentions of letting loose. It becomes a new appendage to my body and I must drag it everywhere I go like a sack of led.
My neighbors have it figured out. They do not let this cat inside. She lives only outdoors where she can surrender herself to emotional volatility. On occasion, they do pet her. This action catches her off guard just enough that she does not hiss but enjoys the foreign interaction.
Like that cat, I would like my slump to be an outside slump. I will pet it just occasionally enough to remember that it's there and what it's capable of, but I will never allow it into my house.