A Dense Creature

I sometimes feel detached from my body like I am not living inside of it. I am housed in the smallest and darkest corner of my mind where my soul allows itself to vibrate rapidly.

My soul does not always live in my body, because if it did my actions would reflect it. My life would reflect it.

My soul can swoop down into my fingertips, it can descend into my body like possession. It moves me and I do not move it.

When it counts my soul will take over. It stops me in my tracks and makes the big decisions, identifies the big moves, and speaks the big statements.

When I look into a mirror I do not see my soul I see a shell that sometimes forsakes me. Or, do I forsake it? Yes, my body is a living thing but without my soul, I believe it would cease to exist.

My body gives itself to me to move freely at my will, the only thing is, my will does not always come from my soul. Sometimes a slimy dense creature overpowers my soul and takes control of my will.

It is the kind of creature I want to step on but worry how the crunch would feel under my foot. One does not simply step on a tarantula.

This creature likes to make decisions that are safe and small. It especially likes to make decisions that keep me awake as I lay flat against my covers at night.

This creature manifests thoughts of fear and worst-case scenarios. If you do that thing you will fail and If you fail the failure will be you, the creature tells me.

This creature makes the clock tick extra fast. It shows me dark moments in my future. Someday your family will be gone and you will be left completely alone, it whispers.

Sometimes this creature flips the script. You are already alone and you have been this entire time, it tells me.

This creature is weak and feeds on weakness. It will kick you in that soft place behind your knee. Yes, it occasionally gets the jump on my soul but in the second round of the wrestling match, my soul will plunge its arm into the air and be declared the victor.

It kicks this creature out of the curves of my body and the knots in my muscles, reminding me that there is no place for creatures of its kind here. I am not its home.

It feeds back to me the angry statements of the creature in a way only a soul can do.

To succeed you must fail, telling me reassuringly to take the chance. You are not and will never be alone, my soul says.