Open Window, Muddy Horse

I opened my window this morning and invited in the warm air from outside.

I felt relief. I went to the porch and my old mare was standing muddy in the pasture, surrendering herself to the sunshine. I took a deep breath for her.

It’s been a tough winter for her and me. She is old and when I look at her I can see the tole the harsh season has taken. But, I have asked her to stick around for another summer and she seems to have obliged.

We are similar in this way. Even on the coldest of days, she tries. When I asked her to get to her feet although her guts were twisted with colic she did.

For as long as I can remember she has tried. She tried to stay patient in our younger years as I climbed under her belly and hung from her neck.

She tried to continue loving me when I kicked her sides extra hard because I had saddled her with unfair expectations of what a horse should be.

I aspire to her level of try.

Lately, things that have previously taken no effort feel like a long slope waiting to be climbed. I have tried to do the things I must and to allow myself to do the things that will offer me a life where I am reflected with more truth.

I keep waiting for these things to become easy but they still require try.

This summer my mare and I will both welcome our 26th year on this planet and even though she may greet her next life any day, I will always carry with me these lessons of try.

In what I hope to be years from now, I will try to love another horse.

I will try to offer myself patience and I will try to face the things of tomorrow with bravery and joy.

I hope the warm weather offers both of us a reprieve from try, but it’s okay if it doesn’t.

She and I will enjoy long bareback rides through the pasture like those of many summers passed. But if try finds us and asks us to put in a little more effort for our time together, I will happily climb off of her back and walk by her side.

She has taught me that some days involve more than my fair share of try but that I must keep moving. And when try becomes too much for her, I will shoulder it for the both of us.